The Twilight Twitter Rant of April 2nd
I initially posted this in a Twitter rant that became far too long or unwieldy to read on the platform so I moved it to where it would've initially been more appropriate.
Using this as a blog tonight. Sorry, but you were warned. I’ve had trouble sleeping recently, and Twitter at 1AM becomes my landfill of thoughts. My hearts been overwhelmed with a flood of good people, family, friends, and collaborators as I’ve come home to Texas for work.
It’s actually so much joy and goodness that I literally think my brain can’t take it. I’m so thrilled by my waking hours recently that my sleeping ones are interrupted by earnest anticipative ponderings of the blessings that will come tomorrow or the day after.
I could romanticize a cold bowl of oatmeal so these kind of mountain top, sleepless moments are easy for me to get lost in. I love them, give myself over to them, and (humble admission here) have spent most of “normal” life trying to falsely recreate moments like this. It’s a fool’s task because I believe THESE kind of moments where the quadrants of life aren’t shouting over one another, but singing in unison are divine. They’re little glimpses to remind us of the beauty of God and the fullness He’s called us to while here.
But despite my passion for this time of life, the consecutive nights of 3-4 hours of sleep have started to take a toll. This month-long fever dream of actual life, my sentimental lens, and biological exhaustion has left my eyes baggy, heart soft, and mind open to wander to places it would normally scoff at with (fair) cynicism. Y’know like 1AM self indulging Twitter rants. BUT, it’s also lowered the drawbridge of vulnerability to such a point that, lately, my breadth of experiences have been blown open.
I’ll say “yes” more, take more chances, and fear really never has much time to creep in before action. It’s fun, but these benefits come hand-in-hand with a general sense of physical latency from overall grogginess and some emotional reactions that are later paid for with apologies.
This to say: it’s opened me up. Before I took to Twitter to dump my thoughts, the “notepad” on my phone was the victim of these self important, twilight musings. I should really be using my actual journal for this to help solve my sleep issue, allow for more personal thought and save face from letting my already alarming amount of sentiment ooze our into the world, but I’ll save that for another twitter rant.
ANYWAY. Most of what I’ve jotted down from between the sheets during these times is pretty disjointed, like this, but this “fever dream” has produced a few gems that I didn’t completely cringe at and as I looked back over them, this one was one of my favorites. It’s simply about mouths (I warned you):
So much is shared from the mouth. Nature’s core elements, those that literally allow life. Songs that sweep us in joyous dance. Laughter, the biological medicine for sick hearts. Prayers, our yearning for connection to God and His mystery. Language, our feeble attempt to ...understand the incomprehensible depth of someone not ourselves. And kisses, the softest and sweetest reflection of our hearts. And all of this really gives more credence to Luke 6:45, “ The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”
And this is all. I just wanted to share that one thing I wrote. I gotta work on my brevity.
Maybe it’ll come easier with more sleep? Here’s to hoping.